357

Dear power of the universe,
I pray that I am an example for those around me of unconditional love. I pray that I continue to grow into who you want me to be and shine a light to any darkness that may be around. I am afraid of running out of time to do your work. I'm worried I am distracting myself with things that aren't useful, like tv and specializing with dramatic people. Please show me how to grow in your love.

359

A lesson that I learned a while ago was this:your happiness is not my responsibility.
It has served me well when I am dealing with people who are dependent on me for emotional security. The same goes in the face of death. I am responsible for my own experience. I am responsible for the maintenance of my own security in the universe. It had served me well to learn this, practice this and teach others to break the bonds of co-dependency.

360

Success and accomplishments are happening. I'm happy to be helping and my success is lived through helping others. My own personal gain isn't important.

361

I am exhausted. I found out my boss is leaving earlier than expected. He seemed pretty sad about it. Someone else is covering for him. He is my peer and I have been in the position for longer. I have more experience convering as manager, and oddly enough I am not threatened by any of it. I'm ok l letting that go and concentrating on my own work. I'm not stuck in story of defeat. I'm ok being and waking the path before me.

362

I posted a bunch of things, and then I hit the home button, erasing all of my work.
Bottom line, nothing is important in the face of death. No matter what chaos presents itself, I can choose to move toward the truth rather than believe the lies my narrator tells me. The narrated story isn't true.

363

Today was very mundane. I think I'm still in denial about dying. I haven't even read the material and I'd rather pretend that my death isn't going to happen.
I spent the day working and I found myself not really caring to be emotionally invested in anything. A friend called me with a very emotional relationship issue, and I avoided making the negative energy my own. In the grand scheme of things, none of that is important when faced with death. I think I'm meant to discard that which does not serve me.
After work I spent time with a friend. There is so much cool shit in the world to look at. I hesitated to but stuff, mostly because I have no where to store it but also because I'm dying anyways and won't need it.
This death doesn't seem real.

364

Today was strange. I spent most of the day doing nothing but very mundane work. I felt bored out of my mind. My only excitement of the day came when my partner got home from a tournament in Vegas. I was happy that she was home and felt a deep sense of love for her.

I went to the dinner before my AA meeting with my partner and my friend. We ate some pizza, which was our normal routine. We chatted, laughed and reviewed the weekend's activities. It was like any other day.

It wasn't until the meeting started that I realized in less than a year, I would no longer be in that room. I would no longer get to spend time with my partner and with my friends. I would be absent and I know my absence would be a heavy burden for some people. I never understood how many people I touched until I sat in that room and saw how many people's eye lit up when they saw me. The hugs, the laughter, the feeling of belonging...all gone in less than a year. And the worst part would be leaving my partner behind to live the rest of her life without me. That was the part I didn't want to touch because the emotions behind it were far too painful. I had to stop reflecting and bring myself to the present moment of the meeting. But in one instance, I was transformed into believing that I will die and leave everything and everyone I have ever known behind.