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Today was strange. I spent most of the day doing nothing but very mundane work. I felt bored out of my mind. My only excitement of the day came when my partner got home from a tournament in Vegas. I was happy that she was home and felt a deep sense of love for her.

I went to the dinner before my AA meeting with my partner and my friend. We ate some pizza, which was our normal routine. We chatted, laughed and reviewed the weekend's activities. It was like any other day.

It wasn't until the meeting started that I realized in less than a year, I would no longer be in that room. I would no longer get to spend time with my partner and with my friends. I would be absent and I know my absence would be a heavy burden for some people. I never understood how many people I touched until I sat in that room and saw how many people's eye lit up when they saw me. The hugs, the laughter, the feeling of belonging...all gone in less than a year. And the worst part would be leaving my partner behind to live the rest of her life without me. That was the part I didn't want to touch because the emotions behind it were far too painful. I had to stop reflecting and bring myself to the present moment of the meeting. But in one instance, I was transformed into believing that I will die and leave everything and everyone I have ever known behind.