Tuesday, June 23, 2009

2 birds one stone

My neighbors must think I'm fucking nuts. I can picture them saying "how many fucking dishes does this bitch have?!"
I choose to use every last dish/pot/pan/fork/knife/spoon in my apartment and wash them all on one night at 9 pm. This usually takes about a month to rack up a dirty stack. I often times like to buy my life in bulk. I have about eleventy plates, 40 glasses, 30 pieces of silverware and 10 pots/pans...and I live alone. I also like using items for multiple uses. Example: a spoon can spread peanut butter just as well as a knife. A pair of scissors can cut just as well as a knife too. I only have four knives so I have to use other sharp objects subtly resembling a knife to cut things.
I think I live most of my life this way. I hate really doing shit until it's absolutely necessary. I just filed away paperwork that has been sitting in my deskal area (I also make up words so deskal area means the area where my desk is. It may seem unnecessary to you, but to me it's important to have a language only I can understand). Most of the dates from said filed shit were from January. If everything could be done on the internet sans paper, I would cum in my pants every time I paid a bill. I hate paper. My life is so full of files and paper that I could start a fire if it got too hot up in my apartment. Sometimes I'm afraid to light a candle for fear that I might just sneeze and scatter embers everywhere, causing a major brush fire that could be seen from space. I know this seems unrealistic but I have a very vivid imagination.
I also have an obsession with taping things to my walls. 3M hooks that tape to my wall holds my entire being together. If one were to fall, the entire apartment building would crumble to pieces, causing my neighbors to die from starvation after being trapped for days...maybe then they would stop cooking meth and shooting people.

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